Скажи, зачем уходят поезда,

О, неужели, чтоб не возвратиться?

(Чтоб в прошлом так навечно и остаться?)

Скажи, зачем так сложен этот мир?

Ну, почему так трудно нам смиряться?

Скажи, зачем обманывать себя,

Ведь это же абсурд, ну согласись же(ты)?!



Поверте, мне ведь нечего терять.

Я потеряла всё расставшись с вами.

И незачем меня вам упрекать.

Я не хотела этого ни капли.



Теперь, прошу меня не оставлять.

Удача без тебя мне не годится.

Я умоляю, прилетай скорей,

Мне без тебя как птице в тесной клетке.



Декабрь 2005

В Челябинске местный житель требует от суда разобраться, от кого он произошел: от Адамы и Евы или от обезьяны



Обнаружены новые археологические доказательства исторической достоверности христианства

На одном дыхании...



Ты, как вода, за тебя не бозможно ухватиться. И так всегда, навечно – побег. Бежать от грёз, от милых лиц И взглядов дорогих, которым до тысячи лет в воспоминаньи. Та нет пути в обратно, И нет короткого пути до будущего нашего. Отрезок нам пути пройти необходимо, чтобы от точки А до точки Б добраться. Нам или плыть или бежать, кому идти, кому ползти… Но путь преодолеть тот надо, как ни спорь с судьбой. Она упорна И уступать нам смертным не должна. Идти? Идти! Что-ж, путь продолжим в будущность, глядя назад, в ошибки прошлого вглядаясь, чтоб их опять нам не творить.

Так вечно будет, И навеки. Путь уже определён до времени, до бытия земного. Отрезок нам пройти всё-ж суждено не кем-то, - Богом. Свершая путь далёкий свой, нам помнить это надо.



Куда бежать от Божьего лица мне?! Везде мой Бог! Он вездесущ, И всемогущ. HE's omnipresent. EVERTRUE. Не убежать, не скрыться, не уйти. Он здесь. Всегда. И вечно будет. Он везде. Собою всё Он наполняет. Он есть, поэтому есть я. Так было испокон веков И вечно будет до нескончаемости лет.







П.С. Я наверное здесь долго появляться не буду, т.к. сегодня у меня последний экзамен (по алгебре), и до 3 января мне здесь (в колледже) делать практически нечего. Возможно заеду в городскую библиотеку, чтоб на инет выйти. Если не получится, то до января. До следущего года!

Жалко конечно будет если так, но чтож поделаешь. Буду надеяться на более скорую встречу.

Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

Мне сегодня очень, очень грустно.

Хочется, чтоб рядом кто то был,

Человеку очень, очень нужно,

Чтобы кто-нибудь его любил.



Если будет очень, очень грустно,

И на что-нибудь не хватит сил,

Помни, что кому-то очень, очень нужно,

Чтоб ни кто-нибудь, а ты любил.

Бывают моменты, когда моя жизнь прокручивается в моём сознании, как плёнка фильма. Я наблюдаю за происходящим со стороны. Когда же на экране появляется кто-то дорогой моему сердцы, я лювлю приостоновив ход, просмотреть всё заново. Вот сейчас, я увидела грустную улыбку моей подруги. Её карие глаза смотрят на меня пристально, напоминая о её последних словах мне. Я перематываю плёнку моей жизни на 10 лет назад, и начинаю вновь наблюдать за её жизнью, он нашей первой встречи, до последней, несколько лет назад.



Сейчас я вижу её хорошенькое личико с аккуратным носиком и белоснежной улыбкой. Длинные каштановые волосы обрамляют лицо и ниспадают леёгкими волнами, как шаль, на плечи и спину. Я даже слышу биение её нежного сердца, бьющегося восторгом юной и радостной жизни. Её имя ей очень подходит, - Лилия. Она цвела так же, как и её тёзка, цветок лилия, и одаряла окружающих счастьем.



Лиля - самая замечательная девчёнка, которую мне довелось встретить в жизни. И я была удостоина её нежной, отзывчивой дружбой, которая началась в России и продолжилась, несколькими годами позже, в Америке. Пять лет спуся, судьба распорядила нашу разлуку, длувшуюся год. На это время Лиля уезжала в Россию, навестить родню.



По её возвращению, мы проболтали всю ночь напролёт. Лицё её выражало тревогу усталыми глазами. В голосе было что-то незнакомое...



Плёнка жизни в сотый раз проходила перед глазами, и я вновь была свидетелем этого эпизода из нашей с ней жизни...

запись создана: 11.10.2005 в 21:45

начала стих

10.19.05



Борьба.



Изранив сердце болью

Я не могу смириться.

Точнее, просто не хочу.

Тяжёлую десницу

Отца с себя снять молю.

Сама противостою.



Устала я бороться,

Но враг сулит мне бой.

Ещё один. Последний? -

Решение за мной.



Ak

Итак, законченное сочинение. Вот:







читать дальшеIn his essay “Ways of Seeing” John Berger, and English

critic, states that how people see things is affected by their own beliefs

and knowledge (page 134). The author discusses that each person sees a

painting in their own way. Berger states, “Yet, although every image

embodies a way of seeing, our perception or appreciation of an image

depends also upon our own way of seeing” (page 136). Whatever lies within

us will determine how we perceive what is seen by us. My objective is

to analyze idea through my own experience because this is the surest

way to comprehend clearly. I want to try and see if this is really true.

I want to see my way of seeing, and why I see things the way I do.

By visiting the Portland Art Museum I had an opportunity to look at

different works of art. I was looking for a painting that would not only

appeal to me but would raise questions. After a while I entered a room

where I saw a big painting, which covered more than half the wall

vertically and more than that horizontally, and knew that I have found the

one I was searching for to use in my analysis of Berger’s idea about

individual ways of seeing. This work of art caught my attention more than

any other. By reading the plaque, I found out that this painting was

made by Eugene Berman and is called Time and the Monuments. At first, I

decided to go on and look for another painting, but after searching

further, I have found none as appealing to me as this one. I was

fascinated by it. The painting looked as if no words are needed to share an

idea with someone, because I could see everything. There is this feeling

of something beyond words. Even silence can speak. It spoke to me. I

felt a connection. Although this is not a realist painting (I tend to

favor realistic art), I loved it. I was looking at it the longest,

because, firstly, there was so much to see, secondly, it was interesting.

In this particular painting, Berman portrays the effects time has here

on Earth. When I found this work of art in the museum, it amazed me

with its enormous size and the awe the composition presented as the

whole. As the name suggests, the painting portrays monuments, stone

monuments. It’s unusual in the presentation of the passing of time. In

fact, there is a fading effect in the painting. It’s created by

see-through parts of people and stones. There are parts where the object can be

seen clearly but I can also see what is behind it, the lines and a

little of the color too. It is amazing how the artist had done this. I

have never thought it possible.

The first thing that caught my attention in Time and the Monuments was

a person leaning against a stone column. The man was not in the center

of the painting but was closest to the front. He was looking down with

a weary gaze and had ragged clothing. The clothes were of a faraway

time period of around the time of the 1st century or so. When I looked

closer I could see that even though a part of his head was behind the

column, I could still see the shape of it. Then I started to look at

other parts of the painting and noticed that this see-through effect was

used throughout. Berman painted another person, a woman. But she is

hardly visible because he positioned her sitting down with her head

bowed. In that way only her head with flowing red hair is visible and a part

of the dress she is wearing. A little fountain-like structure is

blocking a part of the woman. It is directly in front of her and in the

center of the painting. I feel that she is tired and/or crying. Farther

away from the viewer are two more people. One of them is positioned

behind the woman but higher up. He is visible through an opening in the

arch-like monument behind the redhead lady. The man is standing not

looking at the viewer and looks weary too. The fourth person is a man

partially lying on the floor, positioned between the woman and the man

leaning against the pillar. That last man looks like he is dying. The

viewer can see the floor tiles through his body. He is like a shadow.

And there are also pencil marks visible, like it’s still a sketch, not

a finished painting. That gives an effect of time passing. I feel

like the people were used here to portray that we do not live long and

that time is not merciful to us, because the people in the painting look

weary and distressed at what is happening to them and around them. It’s

destruction around, and everything is falling apart, but at the same

time new life forms. All of those people seem to be from different time

periods but they are in the same picture. An ongoing circle of life is

portrayed here through all of the people.

The enormous stone monuments caught my gaze and I

lingered there for a while. The archway behind the red-headed woman in the

center has a doorway with only one door. That door is closed and

colored a faded red color. It is wooden. The stone itself is chipped at

angles and there is grass growing on top of the structure. There are two

pillars. The one on the right is what the man is leaning on, and the

second one looks almost the same but is on the left of the picture and

turned a little. It has a rounded top, colored faded gold, looking like

a sun with wavy rays sticking out of it. The bottom corners are

adorned by stone fence-like identical structures. All of it gives a feeling

that a long time is passing in this one picture that is still in

itself. It doesn’t move, the composition is presented all at once, but I

know that there is not just one moment that has been captured here, but

many. A painting usually portrays one moment in time, yet this piece of

art is breaking that pattern.

The painting also has pieces of rotten wood and rags lying and

hanging here and there. There is one spectacular branch of a thorny shrub.

It is located near the woman, in the center. The thorn defines the

sorrow of the lady. The floor is made of tile and it’s all chipping away

and pieces are lying around. And the sky is enormous. It shows the

passing of time by the shape and color of the clouds. The colors are

purplish-bluish on the clouds that are shaped like long stretched-out

feathers. It looks like a sunset. But on the top of the sky there are

some rounded, small white clouds. They contradict the theme of the sunset

and show that even though it might be the end of a day, there will be

another. In the distance, there seem to be mountains and plains, but

they are very blurry and hard to distinguish. They show the distance and

that time is stretching just like the earth. We can look through time

just like we look into the distance. The colors of the composition as

a whole look faded. Even though the painting has reds in it, they are

faded and not vibrant. All of the other colors just add to the effect

of dying and time passing, just like the moods of the people and the

falling apart of the stones and wood and clothes. All things pass away.

Only time is always here.

After looking at the whole composition and trying to get the meaning, I

started interrogating it, talking to stones, people, debris, colors,

and sky. “We were here the longest time and still are standing even

though we are chipped, we will stand for a long time. We are the

strongest”, told me the monuments. Stones told me about people too. “The people

have been telling us their sorrows, how they are dying and can’t help

it. Stones have a tendency to store the information, people’s secrets,

and keep them. We are silent, but at the same time can speak volumes

of history. You just have to ask in the right way, look deep into each

crevice made by time, study the shape and you’ll find out a lot.” I

talked to the monuments on the painting and asked them, “Tell me about

time. How do you see it? What is it?” They said, “Time is passing us

by. We have seen different times. At first we were new, clean stones

made into beautiful monuments, but with the passing of the time, with the

coming and going of different eras, different people and civilizations,

the time had an effect on us. We are fading now. Time is stronger

than stone. Now time is putting weeds on us - stones, destroying the

fresh look.” But the stones become even more appealing with this

mysterious aging look. They look ancient and wise. They know time and history.

There is a lot to learn from them.

When I finished questioning the monuments, I went on to talk to the

people in the painting. They were so melancholy, with sadness penetrating

their images. I asked them, “Why are you looking so sad and tired?

What has brought you to this state?” They each told me their stories.

Each life – a tragedy mixed with everything else that happens in life.

One man said, “The time is passing us by, wearing us down. Time is

stronger than we are.” “What they you doing?” was another question from

me. The reply was, “Each of us is mourning and contemplating on the

passing of time. We come to the stones to find protection, and find none.

There is no power in the stones to save people from time. Time flies

away, taking our lives with it into the unknown of the future.” The

woman told me, “Look at the horizon.” I looked. Then she asked, “What do

you see?” I replied, “I see an endless stretch of land and mountains in

the distance.” Then I heard her crying. She said, “I had seen it too

and the mountains are the breakers of life. My end is approaching.

There is still a valley before all of us, but there is a breaker, an end.”

So, that is why they are all sad and thoughtful. They are thinking

about time and their lives.

Coming back to the essay Berger wrote, “Ways of Seeing”, I ask myself

how my own beliefs and knowledge affected my way of seeing Time and the

Monuments. My own understanding of time made me see at this painting

the way I did. Now, I agree with Berger that we all see things

differently, according to our own way of standards. As he says, mystification

doesn’t help to understand an image. Berger stated that, “Mystification

is the process of explaining away what might be otherwise evident”

(page 140). To mystify a painting would be to focus on the texture and the

brushstrokes and the artistry of the painter, and all the technical

things. To find meaning, we must look with ourselves. There is no one

correct way of interpreting a work of art. As Berger continues to

explain his thoughts, he writes, “Yet, when an image is presented as a work

of art, the way people look at it is affected by a whole series of

learnt assumptions about art” (page 136). The assumptions he talks about

are those of how we understand and view beauty, truth, genius,

civilization, form, status, taste, etc (page 136). All people are different, and

each of us is going to see differently. The interpretation depends on

the connection with the sight, what we think of it, what we feel, and

what are our beliefs towards what is depicted in the image. Through

reading Berger’s essay and the experience at the museum, now I know that

who a person is will determine the way he/she will see a certain image.

I try and try

to find my way

but all I know

is that I am

lost without YOU



where would I go//

Не говори, что нет уж сил идти,

Не говори, что ты устал без меры,

Что ты не можешь крест уже нести,

Что ты иссяк, что не хватает веры.

Все есть: и сила, и любовь,

И вера есть, но все сокрыто в Боге.

Ведь мы живем, пока идем,

Пока в пути находимся, в дороге.



И мы как-будто много знаем:

Что Бог хранит, Он любит нас, ведет,

Но если трудно - часто забываем,

Что нам награда вечность,

И несет

Нас на руках Господь, когда идти не можем,

Нас наполняет силой, пить дает,

И в сердце вновь Он раны исцеляет,

И вновь, жалея нас, несет, и вновь ведет.

Он накрывает нас, как птица - мать, крылом,

Над головами нашими Он разгоняет тучи,

Он хочет быть тебе и мне Отцом,

Законам жизни настоящей учит.



А что есть жизнь? Она - мгновенье,

Уж детство, юность, молодость прошла.

Теперь уж зрелость, мудрость.

Без сомненья

Жизнь изменила нас и что-то привнесла.

И хочется мудрее быть и лучше,

Не повторять ошибки без конца.

Ты знаешь, Бог Отец научит,

Нам только надо слушаться Отца.



Мне б научиться верить без остатка,

И голос Его тихий отличать,

Чтоб с головой, без страха, без оглядки

Его любви и воле доверять.



Не говори, что ты идти не можешь,

Что ты устал от трудного пути.

Ты сможешь все, ведь все сокрыто в Боге,

И Он нас укрепит, чтоб мы смогли дойти.